THE LAST ONE

I  started putting this collection of stories after I was diagnosed with chronic kidney disease and realized it was going to cut my life short. At the time, I didn’t know how long I had, but as I complete this piece now (September 2022), it is clear I only have a few weeks to live, and I will have died shortly after my 49th birthday. This book is not meant for the public, so I’m not going to publish it, though I’ve made sure my partners are aware of it, so if someone were to want to read it, they can. Printing this commercially would cost an arm and a leg and I don’t imagine anyone going and spending $30-40 just to read my bullshit, but who knows. Maybe someday I will be thought-of as someone special or worthy of that kind of attention. Otherwise, the main purpose and audience for this book is my son Sol. After a long and frustrating legal battle with my ex-wife, I was prevented from spending time with him since mid 2021 and I have reason to believe he was lied to and manipulated to hate me. However, I am optimistic that in the long run, as he grows up and is able to think freely and critically, he will realize that things aren’t always what they seem and that I loved and missed him, and that being unable to see him for the last 1.5 years has not been my fault.

This story/letter is the final piece of this book, which I’ve been working on for a while. I might update and re-print this book later, but this latest print in your hands will probably be at least somewhat outdated, as it takes a few weeks to get a new print done.

I’ve always been quite an over-achiever, which really kicked into high gear when I was diagnosed with Diabetes in my late 20s. It is a disease that kills pretty-much everyone who has it. Statistics say that it reduces life expectancy by about 10 years, so I realized at the time that my life expectancy was down from the average of 75.5 to 65.5. Since my diabetes came about so early, and its damage is cumulative, I also felt I would be lucky to make it to 60, and I’ve come to terms with that. Ultimately, I’ve always been a person who has very little fear in their life. I’ve grown up in a country with a lot of terrorist activity, but lived my life without being afraid of going to the mall (as opposed to my ex-wife, for example, who always implored me to not go anywhere or do anything out of her constant and uncontrollable fear) or anywhere else. Even during the Gulf war of the 90s, I would stroll to the shelter nonchalantly because fear of death was just not there. That’s the way I was then, and that’s the way I lived my life. I’m not sure why I’m like that. Whether it’s some kind of trauma from my upbringing, or whether it’s genetic mutation…. I guess we’ll never know. I do know that my grandfather was very much like that himself, regularly taking risks (which also made him one of the most decorated soldiers in the history of Israel), so perhaps that’s it. The “no fear” attitude led me to always try and do things that many people wouldn’t even dream of, from becoming an author to going on live stages doing stand-up comedy and learning to fly airplanes.

In the past 20 years or so, I’ve done an incredible number of things. Projects and adventures that are beyond fantastic. I’ve had a long-standing and successful career in the hi-tech industry, of course, but also worked as a model/actor, as a journalist (and later author), as a PR consultant, as a comedian, as adult event organizer (and later, adult club owner), as a pornographic actor and producer, as an artist, and so much more. I can honestly say there was almost nothing I was interested-in and didn’t try my hand in, and it has given me great pleasure throughout the years.

 

* My one big regret is having married Paula. When I met her in my early 20s, I was extremely insecure, and rushed into that marriage, not realizing what a garbage human being she was. I highly regret marrying her, as well as not divorcing her sooner than I did, as that would have allowed me to enjoy my life a lot more.


For those who love me, naturally, you will all feel sadness over losing me. I’m sorry about that, and I hope it passes quickly, and that it will be of consolation for you to know that I am OK with my demise and not afraid. I’ve had a terrific, pleasurable and fruitful life and none of it was wasted. Even during COVID times, I was still able to make the best of it, and enjoyed some amazing adventures. It is likely that I have left this world an attractive, successful, well-liked, respected individual, and I hope at least some of my work will remain behind to make the world a better place. Whether that will be some of the funny or education material I’ve put on the internet, or the community I’ve built around cuddling.

 

I love you all, and wish you the best that life has to offer!

Erez

25 October 2022

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